Sad
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When I was young ....
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Another Sad Story ...
DOLCE VITA
(French)---SWEET TIMES
theory' which I declared in the cyberspace that caught her attention. 'if I have a
million dollars, I would buy a house. do I have a million? No. that's y I dun have a
house. if I have wings, I can fly. do I have wings? No. so I can never fly. if all the
waters are drawn out of Pacific Ocean, but it still can't put off the flame of love
between us. can all the waters of Pacific Ocean be drawn off? No. that's y I dun
love u. that's me, a typical science student. 1st u come up with an assumption, then
u fit a suitable conclusion. If the proposed assumption doesn't stand at all, then
everything is just bullshit. I guess this is what they call 'un romantic' . But she is an
exception. she actually mailed me and said that I m an 'interesting' person.
'interesting'?.. what a word to use on me, its like using 'faithful' on Mr. Clinton. I
thought this gal must be a low-IQ organism, or suffering from serious brain
damage. anyway, her nick doesn't seems so bad-FLY N DANCE- that's quite a
unique one. but I was warning myself: hello, this is the virtual world of Internet.
who knows what might be lurking behind a beautiful nick. Talking from
experience, most of the time it will be a 'dinosaur' in disguise, the only differences
will be whether it is a carnivore or a herbivore. but, I know she is way different
from a 'dinosaur', she is special. So I guess its time for the appearance of Fly N
Dance. ever since she mailed to tell me that I m 'interesting', I was always wishing
to meet her in ajcrr. Too bad, lady luck was just not on my side. So I can only reply
her letter to tell her that I will start to train myself to become an 'interesting' person,
just to show that she is far-sighted. She replied my reply, I replied her reply to my
reply, she again replied my reply to her reply blah blah blah... Oh no, I just started
a chain-reaction. Actually what interested me the most is this 'para' she wrote in
one of the mails....I dance swiftly, amidst the crowd. your glance on me be it
surprise, be it admiration ,it ain't gonna stop my rhythm 'COs it's not your glance
that made me dance, it's my heart of youth. I simply cannot relate this gal to any of
the 'dinosaurs'. But if she really is a dinosaur, I m willing to let her have her fill.
Tye, my best pal unfortunately, noticed my little affair with Fly N Dance, and has
been perpetually warning me about this.... "HELLO!!!... u don't even know what
she looks like, y take the risk??..maybe 'she' is a guy!!... ha ha!!.." I can't blame
Tye for his ignorance. Ever since he was dumped by Sally in Sec4, he has become a
renowned 'playboy'. As the saying goes: " Once bitten, Twice shy", in this case,
after Tye was bitten, he has mastered the art of skinning snakes alive, and Make
into soup. But he got all the factors to be a playboy, I always think he is the 19
year-old version of Brad Pitt. Tall, handsome and got this tongue that causes
diabetes in every women he targets. I dun think he can even remember how many
girlfriends he had had. Slorr -my nick flyndance-her nick. The story continue
detail: I went online that night, log onto channel ajcrr and yesh!!... she is there.
Before I can get over the surprise and the daze, she sent me a message....."hey slorr.
. so late liao haven't slept ahh??" Now what? Now what??!!.. ok ok, I had to calm
down 1st. I swallowed hard on my saliva, took a few deep breath. Now where is
that Tye when I needed him most at such crucial moment, somebody to tell me
what to say to her. How m I going to attract her with my pathetic hmour which has
gone stale. slorr... me in a foul mood today.. can't sleep.. u leh??" MOTHER'S(
direct translation to chinese ), what slorr slorr... now when I read it twice in a row,
I m beginning to feel disgusted in that nick Tye gave me. Tye said that: "who
knows.. it might attract some innocent gals in talking to u... haha.." I m not
feeling very good too.... so lets sad together." Finally squeezed a sentence out, but I
can already feel droplets of sweat forming on my forehead. Actually I m not in a
bad mood, I just wanna follow up her topic that's all. And if she ask for the reason
for my feeling down, I can say: "since u r feeling down, how can I ever be
happy?..." I know it sounds mushy, but Tye said: "MUSHYNESS IS THE
FUNDAMENTAL TO ALL COURTSHIP." And gals are a very weird species, they
trust their ears far more than their eyes. So instead of doing 10 things to impress
her, why not just say a sentence to move her. good ahh..."just guess..."ok lor... hey
slorr... tell u wat.. me tired liaoz... ok... but u haven't greet me leh..."DAMN IT!..
how can I forget simple manners to gals. To think they call me 'MR
COURTEOUS' in school. If this thing ever leaks out in school, I would lost all my
female fans ."nice to meet u... miss long-hair.." I've been wishing that she's
keeping long hair. Tye said that: FlyNDance... hmm.. she would either be
long-haired or a desperado, 'COs when gals dance, only 2 parts of them may fly:
hair and skirt. So if she doesn't has long hair, that means her skirt Flys when she
dances, AH-HA!!..
this has a certain sexual hint in it...haha.." eh?... how u know I got long
hair?.."BINGO!!.. heaven is on my side this time. It goes to prove that she is not a
DESPERADO. yesh!!.. not only that.. I also know u seldom wear skirt.." I increased
the stake, if I m correct this time, peace on earth forever. err... I guess u r rite lor.. but
how u know one?.." HAHAHAHAHA.... I m u coming online tomorrow
morning??"..."ya... y??.."" Please please please say the u coming too, if not I m going
to kill myself for letting u go tonight. I'll see ya tomorrow at 10 am then...good
night..." er.. should be today at 10 am.. ok.. good night too" I just blurted out a last
sentence.... Offline. Suddenly I was so impressed by my performance just now. But is
the season of spring really arriving for me??... I wish. " slorr... what a coincidence
ahh..." "yeh... I m not late." "ya lor... so qiao.." gals are weird, I thought we already
had an arrangement, y do I have to pretend that its not. they must have watched too
many movies, and like to think that guys they met due to the thing called 'fate' is the
best thing that can happen to their love life. "slorr.... u talking nonsense lah..."
"NONSENSE???.. ok, let me tell u what nonsense. Summer's beach, the guy must be
good at running, with broad shoulders, dark complexion with a tint of redness,
sparkling eyes and loud laughter. Then he will call out loud the name of the gal,
running towards her, carry her and spin 3 rounds anticlockwise." "slorr.... u siao liaoz
ahh??" "I siao?.. ok.. lets change a location then. Deep in the mountains, the guy
must have long hair, gotta have the look of an artist, carries a sketching stand, a few
pieces of drawings, and u can see birds stop over at his side, admiring his work. and
there will be a gal whose the model.... most probably naked." "slorr.. but these all very
romantic mah..." "ROMANTIC??.. hello miss... romance only survive in novels and
movies. In real life, the guy on the beach may step onto broken glass or the gal
may be too heavy which tore his arm muscles. Birds may just clear their waste on top
of the guy in the mountains, or he might get a thrashing from the gal because he
comments on the excess fats around the waist and hips." slorr... u hate romance??.." "I
hate romance?... nope, I m just using my knowledge of statistic to get a deduction, that
guys must be TALL to be romantic, not HANDSOME!!!.. some love novels even
portrayed the guy as normal looking, but no-one Dares to challenge the height of
him!.. I object.... because I m not tall." " slorr.... objection overruled..." I think I m
really outstandingly bo liao, talking to her about these until noon. "slorr... are u
hungry?... "ya... u leh??...." "yesh... guess its time for lunch...slorr.." "then do u think
we should....??" "slorr... I m just asking... I dun intend to have lunch with u..." "ok,
good.. I m not romantic... neither are u." I had lunch with Tye, we talk about the
conversation with FlyNDance this morning. "U moron... told her u r not romantic... u
siao ah?..u have disgrace me man... how can u make such a big mistake?....I...I..."Tye
grabbed a chicken wing with chopstick, and I can see the trembling of the hand and
the wing."there are 3 'don'ts' in chasing a gal... one...dun forget to be romantic,.. two
... dun be too honest... 3... dun be too stingy on the sugar in our speech... noticed
number 1, u stupid?? what rubbish is that??....In mandarin we say 'nan ren bu huai,
nu ren buai', u should know this..." "this I know, but it has been a controversial topic
over centuries. women aren't really that... cheap.. so y would they only falls for 'bad
guys' like me??..." "that's because 'bad guys' are usually romantic... those 'nice guys'
are usually...dumdums...so she would rather choose a romantic 'bad guy' rather than
any of those dumdums... in maths we call this 2C1...understand?...dum dum.."oh, Tye
is talking about maths!!.. now I understand. No wonder I have always been left on the
shelf. in another words... gals wouldn't mind if u r not tall... if u r not handsome...
they can bear with ur inconsiderate acts...can forget ur stupidity...but they can never
forgive if u r not romantic..." "come on, this is so exaggerating." " hey... most women
have a 'knot' for romance.. just like most men have a 'knot' for virginity... to women
they just can't understand how precious the thin layer of membrane is to men, same
thing, men can't imagine how important women treats romance." " this is bullshit!
how come I've never heard of that." "the key word is 'knot'...if u can untie it... fine.. but
how many had actually succeeded in that... practically none..." "ok, fine. now I've
done it... so what should I do to remedy the situation?" "face it... u r hopeless
already... I promise u I'll have a drink with u when u and her are over..."U SON OF A
BITCH.
Mid-night. I m trying to concentrate on my physics notes....F=ma,v=u+at...it's really a
wonder that nature can be explained by just a few formulas and equations, and this
we call science. then y is astrology and palmistry being labeled as superstitious?
science should only be one of the ways to explain truth, wat can't be explained by
science, it doesn't necessary mean that's its unreal.... Close to 1am. since I can't get
anything into my head, I shall try my luck on net then, maybe she is there... "slorr...u
here . " "finally... good night to u...:).." 'FINALLY'? strange word to use it here. Wat is
she doing here at this hour? must be feeling down again. "yes... it is fate that brought
me to u at this moment..." I m trying very hard to convince her that I m a bit romantic.
"slorr... nothing to do with fate...I waited 4 u 4 one hour liaoz..." "sure or not?.. for
wat?.. " "talk to u mah...or else I can't sleep..." "u sick izzit?... go see doctor lah...:)"
"slorr....let's continue our topic.. wat do u think of
relationships began from
internet?..." oh my god... how should I answer her now? " its..its very... romantic..."
indeed I m not a good liar, even my words are shaking now. "slorr... u bluffing... u not
romantic one mah..." GAME OVER. I m finished!.. no choice but to drink with Tye.
"slorr.... u lagging?... or just daoing me?..." "no... I m wondering y is the sky so chio
tonight?.." "nonono... dun try to shift the topic... slorr..." sigh... I give up... I asked for
it myself. "Actually I think relationships started from cyberspace is considered as
ROMANTIC, 'COs romance gives pple an impression of unreal, and cyberspace is
virtual." "slorr....that's interesting.." "surfers keep a safe distance from each other and
usually 3 types of pple are produced in this way. The 1st type.... The 1st type being
those who present themselves on net with their 'secondary personality'. Usually all of
us consists of multiple personalities, and in Everyday life, wat we present to the world
is the 'primary personality', with the secondary one being suppressed, or maybe we
dun even realised this other Trait of us deep inside. so internet is the place where this
side of us is revealed, both intentionally or without conscious knowledge. "
"izzit true?... wat about 2nd type?.." "the 2nd type are those
who will transform
themselves into the kind of man/woman he/she would want to be. theres bound to be 1
or 2 characteristics that u particularly admire, too bad, sometimes these
characteristics are just couldnt be found in u. cyberspace is the perfect location for this
transformation to occur." "slorr.... u blowing cow izzit?.. type 3 leh?..." "I m not
blowing cow, I read it from an article of TIMES mag!! type 3 will be those who
transform themselves into characters which are impossible for them to become in real
life. for example, if u r a gal, you may act as a man on net.you may even become
BATMAN or SUPERMAN if u want." "hm.. thats pretty amazing..." "the 1st type is the
'faithful' type, 'cos its his own personality that is being presented on net. the 2nd type
is the 'foolish' type, 'cos he knows only how to admire others, always forgets his own
strong pts. the 3rd type is the 'pathetic' type, 'cos he is wishing 4 some impossible."
"slorr.... den u belong to wat type?... me leh?..""i dun wish to believe u r type 3, 'cos i
m not. I crossed the possibility of type 1 'cos its too common, because i think u r
special. being able to attract u, i think i m at least a bit special. so we belong to type
2." "type2.... den who u wish to become?..slorr.."i certainly would like to become a
person like Tye, humorous, romantic and eloquent, 'cos these are wat i m lacking of.
"slorr.... wat about me?.." "U?.. i dun know. U want to FLY and DANCE,
problemably that means u wish to fully enjoy ur youth while u can. but if this is
somethng u wish yet u can't achieve, den theres 2 possibilities: 1, u r aging, 2, u r
leaving the world." i think i said something wrong, 'cos she didn't sent me anymore
msg after this. i began to blame myself for being so perverted, y talk about these
things?.. I should have discussed with her whether ZOE or FANN, who should be the
queen of caldecott hill. damn that TIMES mag, poison my mind. maybe she's
lagging. so i waited... and waited. although its just a few minutes, but it felt like
several hours. i want to apologize, but do not know how to start. until she sent me this
msg: "slorr... lets meet..." without hesitation, i used the hand that I had used it over
18 years to wipe my ass, typed 'O-K'. I m supposed to meet FlyNDance tonight , 8pm,
at the entrance of Mcdonalds, the one beside YMCA. that's the best time and place to
meet a gal u have never met b4, according to Tye, 'COs they would have taken their
dinner by that time which means we can simply go inside the Mc and have some fries
and coke. she will be wearing a whole set of coffee theme attire and I will be wearing
my usual blues, this is our way of identification.she told me she is not those 'cute gals' I
may think she is, I said nevermind, I m not Brad-pitt either. then she told me she has
long ago given up on this hope already. "slorr... u r early..."while I was idling, a gal
tapped my shoulders from my back. althoh I was oridi mentally prepared for anything
that's gonna appear in front of me, I was still astonished by this gal who stood in
front of me now. if not for the coffeee theme and that 'slorr', I would think she is only
asking for directions. 'COs she is one of those chio buz that can only be found on
orchard road, usually while I m crossing the road. maybe I suffered from a serious
concussion due to the heavy blow, my mind was extraordinarily calm. "had ur dinner
rite?.. I think we shall go inside the Mc 1st..." "u r pretty smart huh?... a good way to
save money indeed..." AIYA!~!... she knows me soooo well, I can only give her an
innocent smile back. since she's so pretty, I ordered 2 LARGE cokes, and even
ordered TWO packets of fries. "this time u treat, next time i'll let u treat..." I m not
falling for that, miss... but I m glad she mentioned 'next time'. "slorr... r u
disappointed when u saw me just now?.." DISSAPPOINTED?... r u drunk?.. "y do u
think I will be disappointed then?.." "'cos i told u i m not cute mah, so u must be quite
dissappointed when u saw me.." she is making 0 sense, but i know she is just trying to
hint that she's actually cute."then y did u have to lie that u r not cute?" "slorr... i said i
m not cute... i didn't say i m not pretty.." #$%$##%^*&%$@!!! "but u r also
quite....decent looking what.. its not like what u described to me too.." "DECENT'? a
very vague word. to many gals, decent=boring. one good thing is that she didn't lie to
me about the fact that she is keeping long hair. she also has a fair complexion which
reminds me of HL milk I take almost everyday. it is now only that i found out she is
from ACJC, but had spent her 3 mths in AJ. sitting in front of each other, we talk
about manythings. from her obsession with coffee to my hobby of watching movies in
btw , she had completely shook off my misconceptionsof " if she is pretty , she is
brainless; she apperas to be an attractive gal, both physically and character wise ,
talking smiling to me . occassionally being a little scarcastic and nasty , it's like a
dream we left the Mcdonald at ard 10 om . since it's still early , i decided to send her
home and fortunately , it's just Ang mo kio , 2 MRT stops fr mine , i would have a
second thought if she's staying at pasir ris " slorr .. congratulations .. u're officially
permitted to date me from now on..." she said this b4 the lift door closed. back at
home, i realized that i hadn't asked for her real name, maybe its the influence of that
stoopid Tye. Tye told me :" never ask a pretty gal her name the 1st time u meet her,
'cos there are oredi too many wolves out there dying to know, so she will be more
interested in you if u act bochap..." then y didn't she ask for mine? dun tell me theres
a female version of Tye telling her not to? it's again 1am. time to meet her in ajcrr.
"hi!... slorr.. u tired?..." of 'cos i m tired after all the surprises she presented me, i
would go str for my bed if not for her , but y she here also str for my bed if not for her ,
but why is she here also ? ... isn't she tired too?.. "long time no see.. how r u?..""slorr
u siao ah?... 2 hours only leh..miss me?..." "A)yes.. B)of'cos.. C)abuden...D)dying to
see u...E)all of above.... answer is E..." ";:)..." seems like she is really tired, even the
smiling face are yawning to me rite now. "u wanna go for a movie tomorrow?.."
maybe i should ask her now, while she is half asleep, hoping that she will blur-blurly
click 'OK'. "should be no problem... what show?..."HOOOOORAY!!... i m cheering for
her fatique. "we decide what show tomorrow... anyway whats important is watch with
who... not the show.." Tye's fav line, i m just borrowing it. "u should go sleep now
lah..." "wait one little while... u haven't tell me u tired or not?.." "ok lah... a bit.... u
leh?.." "i m exhausted.... but have to say good night to u 1st... slorr..if not i can't
sleep.." " me too...." i can't believe i m doing this SILLY business rite now.... "ok i tell u
what.... i count 1,2,3... then we log off together..." "ok.... good night slorr..." "same to
u.." "1...." "2..." i never talk whenever i m inside a cinema, and now is the best time
for my mouth to rest, so I spent the following 3 hours to admire this
much-talked-about movie of the century, Titanic. i m not a romantic person, so its
perfectly understandable if i can't really appreciate this motion picture fully, except for
all those stunning special effects. but something stroke me when Jack said to Rose b4
he sank into the deep....."Rose, listen to me... listen....winning that ticket was the best
thing that had happened to me...it brought me to u....and i m thankful, Rose....i m
thankful...." suddenly i felt much fortunate than Jack, 'cos I dun have to risk my life to
board Titanic, all I have to do is to switch on my PC every night. But he's one lucky
guy too, 'cos he knows how to draw, and just look at how slowly he was drawing Rose,
that made me blame myself for the lack of this talent. But to her, this movie wasnt just
about drawings or special effects. i noticed that packet of tissue paper she was holding
in her hand. and just when Rose said:" i promise... i will never let go, Jack... i'll
never let go.." she opened up her sling bag and here comes the reserve handkerchief.
Damn that celine Dion, y on earth did she had to sing that "MY HEART WILL GO
ON" at the end of the show, for all the female species inside the theater, its like "MY
TEARS WILL ALSO GO ON" " Ok... movie ended... lets go...." i stood up, speak to her
gently, worried that every single word i breath out might just crush Onto her, and kill
her. she continued to sit on the position, looked at me with her beautiful eyes that just
cameback from a swim. after a while,she said "slorr.... movie ended..... but life goes
on.. m I rite?..." i nodded my head... but i just wished somebody might give me some
clue of what she was saying. finally we managed to leave Orchard cineplex, since its
still early, we decided to take a walk down the street. along the way, she seems
unusually quiet. so I guess Tye was rite about the 'TITANIC FLU', he said that gals
often got so mentally distressed after watching this show, and its the best time to
launch an emotional attack on her, thats y Tye had watch Titanic for over 5 times
roughly. her eyes were focussed on the path or the crowds but i know her mind was
still left on Titanic, sinking with her, waiting for somebody to pull her up. i just
kept my mouth shut 'cos I know i m not a good swimmer. we walked to Plaza
Singapura. suddenly she stopped in front of a Christian Dior counter. "slorr.. have u
read a novel called 'fragrance'?..." "err..nope.... y do u ask?..." "what the guy bought
for her girlfriend in the story on her birthday.... and he told her 'DOLCE VITA' is
french, meaning 'SWEET TIMES'..." she pointed to a bottle of perfume at the counter, but i was more interested at the price tag around the neck of the bottle. "oh... izzit?..."
"slorr... then do u consider today as 'sweet times'...?" "at first i do... but some pts are
deducted since u started crying..." "that means it can only be considered a little bit
sweet, i'll buy the small bottle then..." i insisted to pay for the perfume as her bdae
present from me since i know her birthday is coming soon, this kinda saves me a lot of
trouble of finding a present for her. luckily its just perfume, i would have to pawn my
underwear if that guy in the story gives her girlfriend diamond or gold bar." "r u
hungry?.... wanna sit down and have something?..." " i dun have appetite... what
about u?.." "you eat, i eat...." her eyes are red again...... i m such a fool. finnally got
away from the noisy crowd at the mrt station, walking on one of the steets of AMK
ave6. contrastingly, its so quiet now that i even can hear the rythm of her heartbeat."
"slorr... do u know what's the
correct way of applying perfume?...." i shoke my head.
in fact, i had never used a perfume or cologne b4, medicated oil maybe."1st u apply
some behind ur ears... then ur neck and wrists...after that spray some onto the air,
then walk through it..." "sure or not?... in that case this little bottle wont even be able
to last u for 3 days...." "slorr.. shall we try?..." "we'?... u go ahead... i m a MAN..." she
opened up that DOLCE VITA...behind her ears, neck then the wrist she applied
some... and she really did spray some onto the air!!... WABIANGZ!!.. expensive leh!...
finnaly she stretched out her hands... facing up... like enjoying the raindrops fallling
on her face... "hahaha...." "slorr... this is so fun!.... now its ur turn...." she went
through the same procedures with me and i can feel the coldness of he fingers. maybe
its the perfume... i guess. "slorr... get ready... i m going to spray!!..." i imitated her..
face up...and walked through my 1st perfume rain. "slorr lets have another round!!..."
"WHAT!!... serious?.." my money isn't easy to come by leh!!.... b4 i can collect the
broken pieces of my heart, she had walked through her second round. she was even
more excited this time, hoping around, like her nick.... a flying and dancing butterfly.
late night of AMK, the streets smells unusually nicer rite now. until we finished the
whole of that DOLCE VITA. "DOLCE VITA is exhausted... i guess this sweet time
shall end now too....slorr.. i'll go up now.... tonight 1am. i wont be online, and u r
not to do so too..." "huh?....but why?...." "go online at 12pm tomorrow.. u will
know....remember... only 12pm..." she turned and walked into the lift... at the same
time... i saw an obvious pink patch behind her neck... which is visible only now be'cos
she tied her hair. i looked up towards her window on the 4th floorfrom below, but it
never light up. i switched off the light in my room... engulfed in the absolute
darkness... 'cos i wished to have the same kind of feeling as her right now... i realised
in complete darkness... the easiest mood one gets... is loneliness.. she must be lonely
rite now... half asleep . i almost can see a beautiful butterfly.. turning to ashes amidst
the sea of flame... and that patch behind her neck.. from pink it became red... then
burgundy..slowly.. it swallowed me.... was it the cause of that can of beer just now?...
suddenly i felt cold... and shaky.. and that coolness seemed to have come straight from
my heart... the rate of my heartbeat was an exponential function of time as it got
closer to 1am... USE A DIFFERENT NICK isn't there.... my heart was beating fast...
but the temp remained below healthy level........ finally its 12 pm, excited as i was,
logged on the net, yet there was still no sign of FlyNDance. But theres a mail from
her......Dear slorr, At first i thought it will be easier for me to settle down in the
darkness... recollecting memories we have shared... but all i felt was loneliness...... can
u feel it too?... I still can't change the habit of logging on at 1am... so i used a
different nick to sneak into AJCRR... u dun blame me right?...:P... u werent there...
should i feel glad for ur obidience?.... U said both of us belonged to TYPE 2... the
foolish type...maybe u r right!... 'cos I really do admire those who dares to fight for
their desires... I stroke my hair gently when u said that i m leaving the world... and a
few strands of hair fell..... No!... doctor told me its not a terminal disease... and doctor
aren't supposed to lie!!?... I still can live like a normal person... BUT CAN I?..
FlyNDance... is it really something i wont be able to do?... After the 1st meeting with u
at Mc... I started to realise that u r not only a virtual being living in the cyberspace...
in reality u r strong, gentle and sensitive.... i can feel the defense Wall of my heart is
slowly breaking apart.... i m defeated... I tied my hair today.. 'cos my fren told me that
i look more attractive this way... I want u to remember my face as it is today... 'cos
after today... everything may change.... But why didn't u ask for my real name?..thats
why i never asked for urs... i m a gal mah..:P... do u realised how i wish to have
something more than a nick to take along with me?...Slorr... thank u for the DOLCE
VITA... finally got a taste of what sweet times are like... but i m really sorry..... i just
couldnt bear to say goodbyz..... since it started from a mail.... it should end with a
mail too.... Its been 3 months and 2 days since the very 1st mail... not a very long
time but it isn't short either.... our story began from me... and I will end it.. Maybe its
what u said... internet is fast and convenient, but it isn't perfect'.... I can send u my
thoughts right away... but not my tears... Its about 5.30amnow....time to go.... by the
time u receive this mail... i would be trying to settle down somewhere else.... i dun
know....Good Bye.With lotsa love,FlyNDance After reading her mail, i felt as if i had
just experienced a roller-coaster ride which almost derailed. she had shown me the
other side of her, soft and sensitive. For a couple of mths, i was trying to hypnotise
myself, to suppress my feelings whenever I started to think about her again .
Perpetually , i was telling myself , she is just one virtual character that flys and dance
in the net, but never in the real world. I became a fugitive, escaping from my PC,
escaping from the internet and anythng that has to do wih coffee . Hide myself behind
the piles of lecture notes, behind the crowd of pple, trying to get rid of this thought of
missing something in life. But i failed. I found out that its not that i dun miss her, its
just that i had forgotten the passion that always comes along when u r having
something hanging on ur mind all the time. its like i cannot not breath, its just that I
had forgotten the fact that i have been breathing in and out for the past 19 years. i
can hold my breath for a while, but not forever. i have to find her."err... i m looking
for ... er..FlyNDance....""HUH??..." 'huh'.... this is the exact word i was expecting
from her. she seems to be FlyNDance's elder sister, 20++, looked quite a beauty too
even without any makeup. But of 'cos, still can't be compared with her...I explained to
her my purpose for knocking on the door and told her that i m no stalker whom she might think i m. surprisingly when i told her my disgusting nick, slorr, she appeared to
be rather excited and quickly she scribbled something on a small piece of paper and
handed it to me....."u should go and see her.."SGH, Room 3-425.This is the 1st time
i've ever stepped into the Singapore General Hospital. its a dust-free space, everything
looked soo clean, tidy and arranged. But I dun like the feeling it gave me... I entered
room 3-425, she was there, in a deep sleep... i stood by her, watching... her hair was
still as long as before, laying across the soft, White pillow... her face looked roundish
now, I know it's the side-effect of the medicine... and the pinkish-red patch that was on
her neck had spread to her face... appearing in a shape of a butterfly..
nevertheless..she was still the most beautiful butterfly i've ever seen...Her eyelashes
twitched slightly.. she must be dreaming... what's that in her dream??...Mcdonald's
fries and coke?.. sinking Titanic?.. or the rain at AMK ave 6?.. The room was getting
darker as the clock approaches 6pm.. i wanted to switch on the light... 'cos I hate to
see her lying lonely under the shadow of a patient's room.... But i m worried that her
dreams might be disturbed by the sudden light rays... while i was in a dilemma.. her
eyes opened slowly... Her eyes were wide on me.. then she turned away suddenly.. i
can only see her back at this moment... she lost weight... after a long time.. she turned
to face me again.. rubbed her eyes... and smiled...."slorr.. u r here!..." "yes..nice
weather today.. isn't it?.." "ya lor.. sky also very chio today?..right?...heehee.." "SKY
VERY CHIO'... i can still remember this was the conversation we had in one of our
AJCRR meetings..." But she didn't realized that it's raining today... "slorr.... why r u
standing there.. sit down.." Thanks for reminding me.. i just found out that my legs
were numbed due to the several hours of standing... "slorr... u lost weight..." ME?.. i
thought i should be the one whos telling this to her!!??.... "slorr.. u hungry?... had ur
lunch?..food here isn't so good.. thats why patients like me always slim down a
bit..apart from that.. its quite ok.. but sometimes i feel really bored without a PC here
to talk to u.." "slorr.. hows ur mid-year?.. sure did very well right?.."WAIT A
MINUTE!.. u r the one who's lying on bed right now!!.. not me!....Yet.. i had nothing
to ask her actually.. 'cos I was there to see her.. not to find out the answers to those
questions.. maybe now its the time for me to utter some touching lines like whats in
the case of a movie.. But i m not a Romantic person... moreover... movies are fiction..
life isn't.. I just wished that she could leave this place which almost made me sick as
soon as possible... back to AMK ave6, back to ACJC, back to where she belonged....
and i promised she wont be alone anymore..'cos I will always be there... After a
while... her mum was here to see her..ard e age of 50, slightly overweight.. other than
the cheerful smile... she didn't really remind me of FlyNDance..."err... i think i've gotta
go now... bye bye auntie.."she sat up straight in a sudden.. like experienced a
tremendous shock..."i'll be here again tomorrow.. and the day after tomorrow... until u
leave this place." before i went back home , i went to PS again to buy that Christian
Dior Dolce Vita and i i've got the biggest bottle this time that she can even swim in it .i
try not to close my eyse that night , coz' i wan to go to her as soon as the 1st sun ray
shoots into my rm , i hired a cab , didn't wan to waste too much time on e bus. "slorr u
r here i have been waiting for a long time .."had a good night's rest?..." "oh... i didn't
allow myself to fall into a deep sleep...'cos i know u qon't wake em up when ure here ."
"then u shld take a rest now . " "err since ure already here i dun think i can " i gave
her the Dolce Vita , & we agreed we would dance in the rian in front of the sgh mian
entrance the day she's discharged ,i dare not look str at her .. coz' there's a butterfly on
her face .it was oni last nighht b4 i leave SGH that i found her suffering fr an illness
ERYSIPELAS what the unproffesionals call the BUTTERFLY DISEASE..but i what i
like is the coffee butterfly that is able to dance round freely,not that pinkish-red butterfly
that settled on her pale complexion..moreover.. whats a butterfly if it can't fly..."slorr.. why r u looking at me.. and not talking?..." i dun know... 'cos i noticed that shes
getting weaker physically...I had bad feeling about this..."slorr... i m thirsty... can u
get me a drink?.."I m not leaving her at this moment. i can still remember a movie
about this guy who went all the way to get red bean soup for his gf who's on sickbed
and to find her lying silently on the white bedsheet when he come back . never wake up
again "r u trying to get rid of me .like what;s in the movie " "movie is movie , life is life
"Movie ? life ? but i thought u just had a drink , anyway , so what can i get for u ? "
"ultimate Ice Blended !"this is hospital leh , did she think i can find coffee bean
everywhere on the island like mc ? whatsmore coffee wasn't suitable for her at that
time "err.... coffee isn't good for health.. order something else...ok?"so u know coffee
isn't good for the body too... then u should cut down on ur intake also ok ?" i saw her
smile appearing and there's a shine in her eyse . i realise that she's telling me not to
drink too much coffee in the future . my heart seemed to have suffered fr a heavy
blow.this is not good .a taste of ph7 has started to fill my nose .if this is not going to
stop . tears might be the next thing that appears in front of her .i recalled the chapter
on reservoir and dam in physics tx bk . quickyl apply the knowledge on me . even if it's just a few droplets " "ok i promise . i'll try my best " "and try to sleep earlier in futuer
and dun skip breakfast...and dun be too obssessed with blue and it makes u look
troubled and this didn't sound good it's like giving final instructions before she .. i
can't bear to continue . " ok ok i'll get u a drink rite away " "slorr is the machine far
away ? if it's then .. it's ok / i dun wan it ne more " fr my mental calculations .men
would take 67 steps while woman would take 85 steaps to reach plus the time to
purchase . av would take a total of 1.8-2.1 mins not very far ."quite near " "slor come
back quickly . i dun wan to be alone for too long i hate that feeling . i didn't ans her i
just increased my pace ...
X X X X X X X"eh... its late already... go to sleep.."my mum was
nagging at me
again."okok.... 10 more minutes..."Until today, FlyNDance had left for more than 2
mths. i still logged on at 1am everynite but onto the channel DOLCE-VITA which was
created by myself , with slor and FlyNDance being the oni 2nicks inside for 10mins .
Although she won't be able to fly and dance in real life ne more , but i still wish that
she could continue to do so in the virtual world . Even Tye has given up on me "she's
gone and y r u still doing this ? for what ? ."Yet, even if thats the case, i can't allow
her soul tobe left at the corner of loneliness. 'cos she said.... she hate the feeling of
being lonely . i still rem there was a heavy downpur on that day . when i reached SGH
they told me a coffee butterfly flew away fr her rm ard 1 am last nite after that i can't
rem ijust knwe that i stood at the bus stop for the whole day and i was all wet cpz' of
the rain , even my face i have been crying hard not to think of her over these 2mths
.I've been hoping that her face won't appear in my mind everymoment that i breadth
but it's like hoping that . the sky isn't blue the grass isn't green , the stars do not
twinkle at nite .basically i was hoping for something impossible to happen... I can't
believe that i m of Type 2, even in real life.. Did i cry ? NO way . i said it b4 , i am not
a romantic persin and this may be due to the deficiency in the hormones that
constitutes emotions whenever i had the feeling of pH7, i'll browse through those
FWDS:jokes...attention will then be shifted by those dim-wit, low-class jokes...so
noweverything is back to the way it was b4 I met her 9 mths ago... Tye is still flirting
ard and i still the old decent =dull me , but i've stopped taling coffee and beer " xing
morning , i was surprised when i saw ""to written on the envelope . that's for me i
guess . i opened it up , there was a pcs of writing inside and another coffee envelope .
slorr i am flyndance sis , i think this how u r addressing her . i gusss i am sorry that i
do not know ure real name althought we'd met before . when i was packing her stuffs
a day ago , i found this letter with ur name and add already written on it . so i posted
it to u , coz' i believed this is what my sis intended to do , Best wishes , The letter was
sent 3 days ago, and there was another
'To:slorr...' followed by my home address written on the coffee envelope.But this
handwriting was a lot nicer and the words seemed to be moving swithtly...like in a
joyful dance.I have no time to figure out how she has gotten my home address... did i
give her in one of my mails?.. I tried to control my trembling hands, slowly, I opened
up the envelope. I found a photo, and a half of a movie ticket inside... Apart from
these, there was a blue letter... with the familiar DOLCE VITA smell on it. The
photo Showed her, standing on a piece of grassland... wearing the same coffee the
me attire on our 1st meeting at Mcdonalds. Something was written at the back of it...
.
Dear slorr,Coffee represents Pisces.. thats me.Blue represents sagitarius..
thats you.A
blue letter inside a coffeee envelope....know what i mean?... :)seeing me... do u feel like
drinking coffee now?..stop drooling!... :P FlyNDance .I smiled.... bitterly.. and the
contents of the blue letter issimple: If i have one more day to live,i want to be your
girlfriend. Do i have one more day? No.Too bad. I can't be your girlfriend...not in this
life.If i have wings, i want to fly down from theparadise just to see you.Do i have
wings? No.Sadly. I can never see you again.If all the water are drawn out of the
bath-tub,but it still can't put off the flame of love btw us.Can all the water in a
bath-tub be drawn off?Can.So, yes. FlyNDance
My chest was torn apart... tears broke through the dam I constructed a long time
go in
a jiffy... As proud, as emotionless as I was, I can't pull back the salty wet that's on the
whole of my face anymore....She has changed my little theory'... and gotten Back what
I'd owed her... tears for 2 months....X X X X X X X
Titanic has won 11 awards in the Oscar.. including best picture. Yet,Rose wasnt
the
best actress under that category. So if its sad in a movie,it may not be so fortunate too
in real life. and.. in reality...should Jack hold on to Rose.. and 'Never let go?'....Maybe
he shouldn't be worried about this... 'cos that beautiful coffee butterfly will continue to
fly and dance in his heart..
forever...
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